Ringo Starr, NASCAR, and Rachel Ray

Cookie has been upset with me and my blog lately. First, she has her panties in a bundle over the whole "Titties, Toes & Tater-Tot Tuesday" thing. Come on, Cookie. What guy (or woman for that matter) can't appreciate a few titties and some tater-tots on occasion? The nasty toe thing? Well, that's not really for me. Although I love to see nicely tanned, painted, and hairless toes on women, the posting of toes is really for ******, who is obsessed with volar dactyls and digits.

Second, Cookie would rather read more of my primary-source stories than re-posts. But looking for gratifying and meaningful employment in Lansing has been extremely taxing on my frail male ego and psyche and as such, I am just too damn lazy to write something original. But please don't worry yourselves over my plight--a few extra doses of NyQuil over the next days will only serve to enhance my REM time and my writing abilities.

But I did hear an interesting story this morning to comment on. It seems that Dunkin Donuts was planning a new ad campaign starring EVOO-freak Rachel Ray.



FOX News reporter and radical right-wing blogger Michelle Malkin took issue with Rachel's black and white checkered scarf which according to Malkin, looked a bit too similar to a black and white article of clothing that is traditionally worn by Arab men (like Yasser Arafat).



See the resemblance? Malkin, complained in her blog that the black and white scarf wrapped around her looked like a kaffiyeh, the traditional Arab headdress and said that such black and white scarves have come to symbolize Muslim extremism and terrorism.

I love Michelle Malkin because she--like I--can stretch the most far-reaching limits of her imagination to make the most completely unbelievable and ludicrous connections seem almost plausible. I do it for entertainment purposes. She does it because she is certifiably insane. Here are a few photos of the woman I love!








Since Michelle is of Filipino-descent, maybe this is a good time to make some crude Filipino remarks! Would you look at the size of those incisors or are those walrus tusks? She could suck a cumquat through a picket fence with those choppers! QUESTION: What do you call a Filipino contortionist? ANSWER: A Manila folder. Ironically, Webster's Dictionary defines a Malkin as "an untidy woman, a scarecrow, a ragged puppet, or a grotesque effigy." Nuff' said.

But as I read this story, I realized that this "terrorist-symbolism" situation goes far beyond Rachel Ray. Then it hit me! We are surrounded by terrorist cells, one of the biggest being NASCAR and motorsports in general. Really! Racers with black and white flags! Kids riding bicycles with black and white flags! They are everywhere!









Terrorists are everywhere! This is a logical connection, right? Then I thought back to the HBO special that I watched last week. An interview of Ringo Starr. Ringo has fashioned himself after black and white kaffiyeh-wearing Yasser Arafat! Look! Both Arafat and Ringo have beards and moustaches!





See? See? They even look the same! Remember all the rumors that by playing The Beatles albums backwards you could hear satanic messages? They were wrong! You would hear Islamo-Fascist propaganda! Thanks Michelle! Now I will be avoiding Dunkin Donuts, racing, and The Beatles and be ever-vigilant in my search for Islamo-Fascists!