Wednesday, March 12, 2008

President Bush Pampers U.S. Troops


President Bush admitted Tuesday that he has been supporting a top-secret U.S. troop morale-boosting project implemented by defense contractor Kellogg Brown & Root, Inc. (KBR) named "PROJECT SNAP."

It is alleged that KBR grudgingly accepted a cost-plus contract to supply U.S. troops serving in Iraq and Afghanistan with luxurious, 100% cotton terry towels imported from Turkey that have been lovingly embroidered with the KBR logo. At three times the normal cost of towels of course. President Bush defended the expenditure saying "It was all Rove's suggestion (soft multi-color embroidered Turkish towels). One night me and Karl was sittin' around strategerizing about the whole camel-jockey thing going on over in the Middle East and Karl said we needed to do sumpthing to improve troop esprit de corps. I told ol' Rover (Rove's pet name) that I didn't think the troops would go much for that foo-foo Frenchy espy corpse crap he just said. Rover just laughed, then cried, and told me that whenever he was away from home for a good long time and got homesick, there was nothing in the world that made him and his rolly-polly buddies at the YMCA feel like they wus right back at home than some good towel-snapping and sword-fighting action in the showers. I smiled at Rover and we escaped to the shower to discuss the details."

The increased spending for shower room supplies however, has been more than offset by new Bush administration policy--policy that allows Halliburton/KBR to supply water for U.S. troop showers that originated from the highly-toxic Euphrates River. (Anyone remember the controversy from Operation Desert Storm where water to be utilized for troop showers was transported in oil tankers that previously stored petroleum without being sanitized? Nice!)


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